Emmanuel College The Hub

Words by Victoria Branch ’26

Picture provided by @icantactuallyread on Pinterest Link: https://pin.it/1giYSx2gc

This game of tug of war is hurting my head and my mind, trying to help both sides win and ending up losing both games is tiring. Trying to figure out which side I agree with without hurting myself further, while making sure others understand and don’t get hurt in the process. Pushing and pulling, relaxing and grabbing the rope one last time, making sure I’m secure in myself, only to give up as soon as the game starts. Feeling like I’m lying to others and myself, never knowing which side is stronger. Who do I want to be in the end: a loser or a winner? Downplaying my emotions, making the playing field even, but is it really even when there are more players on one side? How do I know when I’ve made the right decision? I know at the end of the day I’m the referee and not the player; only I can make that decision. But I do wish I didn’t have to be the referee, letting others make that decision and dusting myself off, getting ready for the next match.

When the match becomes 1-0, I feel scared, not ready to embrace the change that comes with winning, having that chip on my shoulder, showing strength to the next challenger. However, being 0-1 feels terrible—leaving the game with everyone underestimating my feelings, not understanding everything I had to offer, or truly seeing how hard I’ve worked and tried to be a strong opponent. Stalemating seems like the best option, neither player showing their true strengths or weaknesses, ignoring the elephant in the room, causing a bigger rift between the two teams, wasting each other’s time. Do both sides feel this way?