Written by: Caroline Kanaley
Admitting any fault to my beloved Sex and the City is about as painful as watching Carrie accept a wedding proposal from Aidan. Through my first watch of Sex and the City when I was 14, I categorized Carrie and Big with the other great heartbreaking love stories. To me, they fit right in with the likes of Rick Blaine and Ilsa Lund or Katie Morosky and Hubbell Gardiner. The great sigh of relief when they reunited, and the heartbreak of their inevitable break ups allowed me to romanticize toxicity due to it being accompanied by New York City and countless Manolo Blahniks. As I got older, the show stayed with me through countless rewatches, and I continued to project my life onto the central romantic relationship, and I was always left unfulfilled and slightly pathetic. I couldn’t help but wonder, was I missing the Big picture?
I had to face the iconic intro music and come to terms with how antiquated the relationship between Carrie and Big actually was. Big, later to be revealed as John James Preston, works vaguely in finance and has an ex-wife, or two. He is intended to be the embodiment of the masculine ideas: men should have successful jobs, plenty of relationships with many different women, and be very reserved about their personal emotions. Never once in the seven years of the show do we see Mr. Big cry, in contrast to both Miranda’s and Charlotte’s long-term relationships, Steve and Harry. Professor Imelda Whelehan PhD, author of From Sex and the Single Girl to Sex and the City, tells Alice Wignall of The Gaurdian, “Even his name is masculine. He is like this phallus at the center of it all.” With a dry humor and plenty of Armani suits, he keeps a safe distance between himself and show lead, Carrie Bradshaw. He’s known to run off to foreign countries the second he and Carrie seem to be moving in an upward direction. His detachment from Carrie allows her to mystify him and give him a greater sense of control
over her personal narrative. Big relentlessly pushes Carrie into being a damsel in a Dior dress; which is otherwise incongruous with her character. And as Miranda points out to Carrie in season 3, episode 18, “You’re more than willing to go right back for more.”
It is important to note that Mr. Big didn’t act alone in creating this dynamic. In season two, episode 12, Big reveals to Carrie that he might be moving to Paris for the summer. In response to her on again off again lover, who has only been her official boyfriend of three episodes moving without telling her, she decides she should pack up her life and move with him. Carrie is a newspaper columnist living in New York City, making believed to be about $60,000 a year, with three of the best friends a girl could ask for. It is abhorrent how quickly she was willing to give that up for a man. Carrie is undoubtedly incredibly male centered in not just her view of herself but of the world around her. We know that it’s not just due to Mr. Bigs devilish good looks that would make her do such a thing. Bradshaw moves to Paris for another man in the final season, Aleksander Petrovski. Carrie’s lack of sense of self allows her to fall into these submissive roles while the tides are changed by the men around her. In her article for the Guardian, Alice Wignall writes, “Carrie’s own inability to wake up and realize what a terrible cliche she is dating renders her, at best, pretty dumb and, at worst, passive and weak.” Caught off guard by Carrie’s decision to join him in Paris, Mr. Big has a rather feminist idea and tells her she should make sure she’s doing it for herself, instead of giving up her life in Manhattan for him. To this, Carrie throws a cheeseburger at the wall. Carrie is frantic, feeling disregarded to which Mr. Big responds, “I have to be in a relationship where if I have to go to Paris, I have to go to Paris.” Carrie continues to push him about what it means for the longevity of their relationship, giving Big the opportunity to give the thesis of his character. “This isn’t about us; this is about work.” This leaves the floor open for Carrie to give her thesis on their relationship. “No, this isn’t about work, this is about us getting closer and you getting so freaked out that you have to put an ocean between us.”
As much of a romantic as I am, I’ve found I cannot watch the HBO hit series without feeling a twitch in my eyebrow every time Carrie and Big find each other back in the others’ orbit. I don’t believe Carrie Bradshaw has to be the perfect feminist, or the perfect woman for that matter. The reason viewers have such a contentious relationship with Bradshaw is because many see themselves in her. She acts as a reminder of viewers’ vulnerability. I don’t believe we should condemn Carrie and write her off as being fundamentally anti-women, but I do think we can learn from her when we think about what is driving our choices and how we define our own autonomy. Never forget the importance of a woman’s right to shoes.
Emmanuel College The Hub 
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